So you have POF? What are you gonna do next?

I have received a few emails from women recently diagnosed with POF. I think that if I could give any advise it would be this:

Don't waste too much time feeling sorry for yourself/thinking "I'm gonna get pregnant and beat the odds"/"my husband deserves better"/"I'm less of a woman"---you know all the things you feel when you first get diagnosed. I beat myself up for 5 years!! I was miserable. I made my husband miserable.

Take the time you need to grieve for the loss of your chance of having a biological child. This is truly devastating. You need to acknowledge it and grieve as you would for any other loss. But don't let it take over your life.

Everyone if different- you know yourself better than anyone else. Give yourself a time frame and STICK TO IT! If you want to see if you can get pregnant on your own (they say that 8-10% of POF-er's can spontaneously ovulate- ??) give yourself 1 year. One year to grieve and to see if you can get pregnant without help. I would say during this time start a savings account- a serious one.

You are not going to feel like it but after a year of having POF start considering other means of having a family.

When I was diagnosed I realized I had 3 choices: Egg Donor-IVF; Adoption; or to live childless. I didn't like any of these options. I thought I would never be able to love an adopted child or an egg donor child as much as one of "my own." There were times I truly thought I was being punished and that God didn't want me to be a mother. You can make yourself crazy with this disease- DO NOT LET IT CONTROL YOU! TAKE BACK CONTROL!

Decide what option is best for you and your significant other- financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically etc.- and start taking the steps to make it happen.
What are your fears right now? What options do you feel like you have? What can you do given your diagnosis to STILL make your dream of having a family come true?
A great weight will be lifted from you when you start taking positive steps toward starting your family. Although you may feel helpless and hopeless right now- there is a light at the end of this tunnel and if you truly desire to be a mommy- you will be one. You will. Period.

Saint Gerard- Hey, it helped me!

I was just asked about how I handled the horrible time between the embryo transfer and the pregnancy test. Well I am really a pessimist. I was convinced I was not pregnant. I was making plans for the next IVF cycle. I was protecting myself.
My aunt is Catholic and before I started the whole IVF thing she gave me a medallion for Saint Gerard and a card with Novena prayers on it. He is the saint of motherhood and infertility. I said that novena every single day from the time the eggs were retrieved until the day I went to the hospital to have Vivian. I don't know if it helped. But I think it did. It eased my soul.
You might try it if you are going through the craziness of IVF or other infertility treatments. There is something very comforting in it!
Here is a website with more information. http://www.saintgerard.com/stgerard.html