So you have POF? What are you gonna do next?
I have received a few emails from women recently diagnosed with POF. I think that if I could give any advise it would be this:
Don't waste too much time feeling sorry for yourself/thinking "I'm gonna get pregnant and beat the odds"/"my husband deserves better"/"I'm less of a woman"---you know all the things you feel when you first get diagnosed. I beat myself up for 5 years!! I was miserable. I made my husband miserable.
Take the time you need to grieve for the loss of your chance of having a biological child. This is truly devastating. You need to acknowledge it and grieve as you would for any other loss. But don't let it take over your life.
Everyone if different- you know yourself better than anyone else. Give yourself a time frame and STICK TO IT! If you want to see if you can get pregnant on your own (they say that 8-10% of POF-er's can spontaneously ovulate- ??) give yourself 1 year. One year to grieve and to see if you can get pregnant without help. I would say during this time start a savings account- a serious one.
You are not going to feel like it but after a year of having POF start considering other means of having a family.
When I was diagnosed I realized I had 3 choices: Egg Donor-IVF; Adoption; or to live childless. I didn't like any of these options. I thought I would never be able to love an adopted child or an egg donor child as much as one of "my own." There were times I truly thought I was being punished and that God didn't want me to be a mother. You can make yourself crazy with this disease- DO NOT LET IT CONTROL YOU! TAKE BACK CONTROL!
Decide what option is best for you and your significant other- financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically etc.- and start taking the steps to make it happen.
What are your fears right now? What options do you feel like you have? What can you do given your diagnosis to STILL make your dream of having a family come true?
A great weight will be lifted from you when you start taking positive steps toward starting your family. Although you may feel helpless and hopeless right now- there is a light at the end of this tunnel and if you truly desire to be a mommy- you will be one. You will. Period.
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2 comments:
I have POF...and after being diagnosed a year ago, I am finally getting my life back. Who knew it would take this long to get be both physically and emotionally stable?
So, what's next? Enjoying my life, my husband, my family and friends. I am finally free of a dark cloud and am happy to just keep moving forward, yes with POF, but moving forward just the dame
Just for the heck of it tonight I decided to google POF and found this blog. I have yet to meet someone personally that has POF. I am 46 years old and found out I had POF when I was 30 years old and wasn't able to get pregnant. I went to several infertility specialist and finally it was discovered I had POF. The Dr. was a real hum dinger when he told me. He basically said you have what 1 in 10,000 woman have and you can't have children. You are also at risk for heart disease, cancer, and having to go into a nursing home at a young age due to osteoporosis. That was almost worse than being told I had POF. I couldn't believe how insensitive this infertility specialist was. I was devastated.
My husband and I tried several different things to become parents through adoption. We finally read a book called Adoption in American and took it's advice and told everyone we were trying to adopt. We finally were introduced to a single Mom who was pregnant and wanted to give her baby up for adoption. The birth Mom's mother worked with my husband. Once our daughter was born all the pain of POF just disappeared. We were right there when she was born. It was an amazing experience. Our precious daughter is 10 now. Then 3 1/2 years ago as foster parents we took in a 5 day old baby boy and were able to adopt him as well. I was twice blessed!
I could write a book on this post about all we went through though and how hard it was. We did have a failed adoption too. My life verse was Ephes. 5:13 In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
Another thing I just wanted to comment on is about the HRT. I was on it for 10 years and 4 years ago during my annual mammogram I was discovered to have DCIS (which fortunately is Stage 0 breast cancer, but I had to have a masectomy (as a matter of fact 4 years ago today). The onocologists were 99% sure it came from being on the HRT for 10 years. And yes, I also have osteoporosis. That is the discouraging part for me.
Just like Rebecca discovered, you can still be a parent. You just have to decide what is the best direction for you. I never felt the Lord wanted us to do IVF or adopt internationally. I felt I was just supposed to wait and 10 years I waited to become a Mom.
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