Me and My Raisin Ovaries- Alternative Therapies and More Bad News

I had a few sonograms during this time period and I never ceased to be amazed by some of the insensitive comments. Comments ranging from "My God this looks like a 90 year old woman's sono" to "oh my Gosh your ovaries are shriveled up like raisins." Yes someone actually said that to me. I can actually laugh about it now. But at the time it was akin to a knife in the gut. A sonogram of a woman my age should show plump juicy ovarian tissue ripe with follicles ready to release eggs and make babies. My sonograms showed ovaries so "shriveled" that they could not be visualized or so small and pitiful that they would garner "raisin" comparisons. I would inevitably walk out of the clinic in a state of deep and profound melancholy.

It was at some point here where I decided to try a more "Eastern" approach to dealing with my infertility. I had read about women who had regained their fertility by practicing yoga or by eating a special diet or trying different herbs. I thought - what could it hurt- I mean my ovaries can't be any more shriveled up.

I went to an acupuncture clinic- actually it was a school of Oriental Medicine in Dallas and I saw a student but was also seen by the faculty members. I was a novelty there. They obviously had never seen a woman my age dealing with the hot flashes and other menopausal symptoms I was having. I actually (probably foolishly) got off of my hormones and took some Chinese herbs -weird waxy pellets and some of the most disgusting "tea" that I have ever come across. I also had acupuncture every week. I will say that although it did not magically "cure" my infertility it was interesting and the acupuncture was strangely relaxing and it did lessen the symptoms a bit.

After a few months of that I figured this probably wasn't going to restore my baby making ability so I went back on my HRT and continued with the excessive lifestyle that I was becoming way too accustomed to. My marriage was in trouble. We fought a lot. I found myself picking fights with him about everything. Sometimes for good reason and sometimes just being totally bitchy. For some reason at this time I figured the time was right to talk about IVF.

We actually went to see our RE (Dr. Alfred J. Rodriguez- he is fantastic) and set up the psychological evaluation for my sister and us to proceed with the egg donation. My sister had since gotten married and when the time for the psych evaluation came they would not approve my sister to donate for us. I am not 100% sure why - although I think my sister had second thoughts and her then-husband (they are divorced now) apparently had expressed some reservations. So AGAIN I am completely devastated. I thought that the psych eval was going to be a formality but instead it made us completely rethink our plans.

I had initially thought that using an anonymous donor would just be too weird. That at least my sister had the same DNA as me so it was the next best thing to me. I had said that if I couldn't use my sister I wouldn't do donor egg at all. I HAVE HAD TO EAT SO MANY WORDS SINCE THIS WHOLE THING STARTED. I was back at square one. It had taken me 3+ years to convince myself that using my sister's egg wasn't too weird and now I had to convince myself that using a complete stranger's egg was the right choice for me. Once again I was consumed with doubts- is God trying to tell me something?